It is no fun being assumed to still be in my teens when I'm 24. I know I am young, but getting taken seriously as a woman in my early twenties is hard enough in many quarters, and I'd rather not have people mentally subtracting years. I don't make assumptions about age when I meet someone - partly because I'm just really bad at telling, but also because I know how annoying it is - but I know it's not a conscious thing on many people's parts. There's making a mental judgment of someone's age and then there's being downright skeevy about it, though.
A charming little anecdote: couple of years ago, I went to watch a good friend act in a play. Said friend is a year younger than me, but looks older. I hung about afterwards so we could go for a drink, and he invited me up on stage to check out the set. The director and other actors saw me; the director told me I could look but not "play". Then my friend and I left. He told me that when he showed up the next day, the crew went all "wahey" at him, assuming he'd picked up a teenager; the director mock-berated him: "I hope you didn't take that little girl home". Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. Why would you do that? There's so much wrong going on here. Infantilisation, whatever he thought my age was. Snap judgments based on my appearance. Approval when he thought my friend had picked up a high-schooler, what the fuck?
But whenever I complain about things like this, the response is almost always: it's a compliment! you'll be grateful when you're older!
Because no one wants to look their age, right? It's better to look younger, because why? Age is ugly? "You look so young" as a compliment has always creeped me out. Granted, I can't speak for older women, but think I'd rather look like I'd lived all my years, felt all my feelings, thought so many thoughts. I don't know if I'm making any kind of coherent point here, but just, enough already. I'd take it as a courtesy not to be told I'll look 30 when I'm 50 like that's something to aspire to.
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I remember getting increasingly depressed waiting for my turn to get served at a bar in Oxford a few months ago and then when it was finally my turn the barman barked at me for my ID. While I fumbled for it, rather surprised (c'mon, I'm 26, how many more years do I have to prove I'm not 17....) he rather angrily told me I had to take it as a compliment & started to serve someone else. I had to bite back so many angry words.
But it's not really a compliment. I remember what I was like when I was 17. I'd like to think I'm better in all sorts of ways now. For one I'm not excruciatingly shy, for another I found a way of dressing that I feel comfortable with & just generally feel a ton more comfortable in my own skin than I did then. So I take it as an insult when people assume I could still be that person. Sure there are plenty of supernaturally adult and confident 17 year olds out there, so I get it, but grrr all the same.
And in a different context, I've long stopped putting my age when sending poetry to magazine and CVs to employers since I've realized that youth can be an off-putting factor.
Sorry, slightly incoherent rant over, just to say that I get it, but at the same time, it saddens me that you, we, I, all have to adapt in some way to counter judgemental idiots.
Anyway, where's the wine? Ah yes.
Edited at 2012-01-15 09:26 pm (UTC)
Wine. yes. ♥
(though I appreciate why you're thinking of changing it I've gotta agree with Claire that it's an ACE photo). If you do change it will the squid at least feature in the new one? :D
So, I shall attempt to take a badass picture with the plushie squid. We'll see how that turns out.
(I mean, I was *trying* to do 'pondering authorface' in the current photo but it came out more like 'innocent child (with squid)', so who knows)
Edited at 2012-01-16 12:20 am (UTC)
Like Maddox without the misanthropy.
I will endeavour to take some action on this point :)